Gandalf and the F*ing eagles

For those of you that are still complaining about “why Gandalf, Bilbo and the Dwarves didn’t fly to the Lonely Mountain on the giant eagles (or why, years later, Frodo did not use them either)?”, this post is for you.

The answer goes beyond story structure and poetic purposes, but let’s also review these topics because, apparently, there are many people out there that just don’t get it.

1) How to tell a story:

I will try to be as succinct as possible: Which one of the following you would find more interesting (i.e., you would *pay* to see in the movies)?

A) A guy needs to destroy an evil ring, so he hops on a giant eagle and flies to a volcano, once he gets there, he throws the ring into the lava. End of history.

B) A guy needs to destroy an evil ring, but due to the terrible presence surrounding the artifact he must gather a fellowship involving different characters, backgrounds, races and motivations, they start a JOURNEY and face many adventures, dungeons, battles, fighting goblins, orcs, evil wizards, etc. Until he finally arrives at the volcano (While the rest of his party fights the entire enemy army) and has to face the final obstacle to destroy all evil and save the fecking world.

So… A or B?

2) The Journey:

Yes, every hero needs his/her journey, we need to start with some wild hogs and get some experience before we enter the most obscure dungeons, you can’t fight Dr. Willy before getting some upgrades for your blaster, armor, helmet or you can’t play the solo of “Stairway to Heaven” before learning the tabs of “Come as you are”, you can’t go to bed with that super hot girl from your “arts” class without any previous experience, you know, before going through the early teenager days, going to the bathroom and…, well , I’m sure you got the point.

3) Magic is not for free

Everyone knows (well, at least, everyone that ever played any medieval fantasy Role Playing Game) that, in order to do Magic, the wizard needs to spend something, it is either a matter of only being able to cast the speel once a day or consuming his own constitution to manifest a magical effect. IF the eagles are invoked through magic, there must be a cost to keep them   under the wizard’s will, that would involve a control of the creatures’ physical habilities over time, of course we are talking about a “Istari” but, nonetheless, there is  a cost, and if you are about to face a Dragon, it’s a wise choice to save some magic for later. Also, if he’s actually conjuring the eagles, that makes the process even more expensive!

So, I hope this explanation is enough for you to stopping talking about the eagles and start focusing on more relevant questions like… if Arwen is more than 2000 years old, does that mean that she would reach menopause around the first 50 and from that moment on there wouldn’t be anymore bleeding?




  1. Ok so this comes up quite often, but for some reason everybody seems to forget about the Nazgûl and their dragon thingys. So initially they had horses, which they lost just outside of Rivendell, and then they get their dragon beast things- what’s to say they wouldn’t have had these beasts available to them even before they lost their horses. Also Morder is completely covered in Uruks and trolls and lawd knows what else. So if Souron’s big ol’ eye in the sky was ever to spot the eagles taking the fellowship to mordor – he could just release the dragon things with/without the wraiths and they’d make shite of them. I guess it was only when the ring was destroyed that Sauron was killed (horcruxes anyone?), which also put the uruks out of their mind (if I remember that correctly). Mordor was a mess, towers were falling, there was enough chaos going on that noone would care if a bunch of eagles swooped in and scooped our boys from perils way. People also have hypothesised that Gandalf was trying to tell the fellowship to utilise the eagles for their journey when he was kicking balrog ass ( “FLY YOU FOOLS!” ) without spilling the beans in front of the balrog/(orcs/goblins?) in Moria – . “The Enemy has many spies in his service; birds and beasts”

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